Wes, Three Year Observations

(This was written on the 3rd Year mark of my beloved Wes's passing.)

This is the anniversary of the day that my heart broke into a million, tiny pieces when I heard the worst news of my life. Thank God for the shock mechanism of early grief. I remember the staggering pain, but it was immediately followed up with a horrified shock which numbed me down. The following 24 hours were the worst of my life. I spoke with his friends and family, one by one I notified those who loved him as I walked like a zombie through that horrific day. The days to follow would be much the same. Somehow, by the grace of God, I managed to muddle through.

Three years? Seriously, how can it be three years? I have healed much, I have gone on to live and love again and feel joy even. But how has it been three years? The one person that I couldn't go a day without has been gone three years. The funny thing about time is that in grief it really has no meaning. It could be three days or three years. Time takes on a surreal quality. It passes fast, it passes slow, sometimes it just stops. Then you look around and a few years have passed, I have grown older with more wrinkles and Wes looks back at me from the flat framed glass, eternally 39 and smiling back at me like it was just yesterday when I pointed the camera at him and said, "smile."

I have found that though his physical form is gone from my grasp, he is still very much present. Now that my heart has recovered from this devastating loss, I can sense him still, as alive as ever. I do not believe a person is every really lost to us, they change forms, they live on, our memories and how their presence changed us keeps them ever near.

This is some of what I have learned as of today, this the third anniversary of the most devastating loss of my life.

Life goes on in spite of your pain.

Life has beauty, even in loss.

My loved one will always be with me.

Death cannot divide forever.

Time passes whether we want it to or not.

The kindness of strangers, family and friends is Divine Presence in a tangible form during grief.


Sometimes it just helps to be heard.

The Grief Journey is painful, but necessary.

One should not travel through grief alone.

Writing helps more than you can tell at the time.

Crying is healing and strengthening, not a weakness.

Grief is not to be feared, but walked through.

Only people who are grieving or have suffered profound loss can companion you on the journey.

There is life and hope after loss.

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