If you've ever been in a church or even just to a funeral, you may have heard a scripture mentioned concerning grief, taken out of 1 Thessalonians in the bible;
4:13 But I do not want you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning those who have fallen asleep, lest you sorrow as others who have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring with Him those who sleep in Jesus.Now that doesn't sound bad, right? We have hope if we are Christians! Yay! However, as anyone who has experienced profound grief knows, even if you have that particular hope, there is incredible and often times, debilitating sorrow and suffering that accompanies the loss of a spouse or partner, child, parent, friend, etc. Over the years, Christians have used this scripture to support our society's discomfort with the grief process. We seem to have gotten hung up on the "lest you sorrow" part of the verse. I have personally heard Pastors use it to comfort grievers who are hysterical, as a way to get them under control. "Now now, Sister Hysterical, we don't grieve like those without hope!"
This one verse is used to negate the entire grief process in many cases. Well meaning pastors and Christian friends often advise you to not indulge in tears and sadness (as if you could just make that choice). "Rejoice in your sufferings! The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away, Blessed be the Name of the Lord!" Unfortunately, many grievers try to take this advice and attempt to halt the grieving process. They endeavor to dry up the tears and move on as fast as they can. They suffer in silence, crying in their private time, feeling like less of a Christian for not being able to "get over it" in a timely manner. Not allowing grief to run it's course is emotionally damaging and can cause emotional and spiritual problems over time.
As a society, in the last century, grief has steadily become a taboo subject. With the advent of modern life saving medicine and emergency trauma practice, illness and trauma related death have become less common than ever before in history and as a result, we have devised ways to downplay death. One of the results of this discomfort with the death process is the expectation on mourners to hold it together. At visitations and funerals (or as we like to call them these days, Life Celebrations), the grieving is commended for "holding up so well." The griever is often told that their loss was "God's plan" and that "God keeps track of all their tears". These statements only instill an anger at God in many people. The language used towards grievers must change! What grievers accept as gospel truth concerning grief too must change!
What are our responsibilities as Christians towards those in grief? The bible is clear in many areas that grief is a human affliction, one that visits every one of us sooner or later. God is very concerned with the mourning and grieving among us. This human experience is mentioned throughout the scripture. Jesus mentioned it in his Sermon on the Mount; “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted," and it's mentioned again that we should look out for widows and comfort them in their afflictions over in the book of James.
It seems that there is a bit of a mandate in the bible which sets a standard for
believers to follow concerning the grieving. This is a widely neglected but deeply important area of Christian behavior. The good news is, it's never too late to change and that starts with education. Even if you read one simple article on the topic, it will make a difference. Please check out the link below for some very good articles on this very important subject.
Lord Christ, help us to be sensitive to those who are grieving amongst us. Give us your heart for those who mourn. So be it.
