By Jeremy Lape
A thought, a theme, a key learning out of all this:
If you have been victimized, abused, raped--either physically, emotionally, or spiritual by a person in Christian leadership, (e.g., "in His stead",) are you aware of how that person's abusive actions has been metaphysically transferred onto God Himself? Are you in touch with the possibility that your spirit is so wounded that you feel like it was God who abused you, and that is why your relationship with Him has so profoundly been affected?
Would that account for your unending sorrow, and inability to move on, past the grief, the feelings of betrayal, the endless loneliness, because deep inside you, you feel as if God is guilty of what happened to you?
Remember, folks, these are FEELINGS. THEY ARE NOT RIGHT OR WRONG. They are not logical, nor are they theological. I don't want a single scripture verse posted in defense of God. In fact, I don't want anybody to defend God at all. I only want a space here for people to consider whether or not they have blamed God for what his man, or woman, did to them, and how blurred the lines are; how fear of laying the blame on God might have kept them stuck.
I know I did this, and I know how stuck I became, how enraged I was for God allowing such horrible things to be done, in His name, on His watch.
I also know that God is big enough to handle our complaints, our accusations, our attacks... and that if He is the God of Love He says He is, then nothing that we can do will ever separate us from that Love.
He's not a man with an overblown ego, you know? He's not One who shirks responsibility for Creation. He wants to hear your complaint, your accusations, your sorrow, and He wants to make amends with you.
